1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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