im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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