we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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