We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
