Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
