im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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