At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im six kinds of drunk right now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
