I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
