Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
