My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
