that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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