TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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