I hate your face
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
