I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
