People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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