please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
