she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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