My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My breasts were aching with rage.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
