so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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