bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
