She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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