allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
