Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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