and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
