You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
