I wish I only lived at night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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