I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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