Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
