I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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