I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
