Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
