I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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