That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
