They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
