I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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