literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So many bounce houses so little time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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