Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
