I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
