My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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