the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
