A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
