those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
