I CAN MOONWALK!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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