I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
