It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
