well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
