I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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