I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
