Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
