A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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