Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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