Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
