did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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