The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
