She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
