Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
