i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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