have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
